I like many others in the nation have fallen victim to the media. No not CNN or FOX news but another type of media that has been plaguing the internet since its conception. This media that I am talking about has no rules or regulations, nor do the facts have to be correct in anyway. I am talking about forwarded emails.
This morning I received another one and now I am to the point where it is no longer just a nuisance but it is starting to piss me off. I get spam and delete it just like everyone else, but when you do not want to open emails from your relatives because you are leery about what they might have sent you is when this becomes a problem. I love my family do not get me wrong, but I am seconds away from blocking their addresses so that I do not get bombarded with 15 new messages at one time which means that I have to take time to go through just incase of something that is relative or pertinent information. I know that everyone has seen these emails and there are four classes that I place these lovely pieces of literary gold.
no. 1: The Political:
These are becoming my least favorite now that I have made it home safe from Iraq. People believe what they read on these emails and base their knowledge of Politics and the "WAR ON TERROR" from them, however they have never stepped foot inside of a war zone or even been to Washington D.C.. These Political emails range anywhere between degrading the Islamic Community, to Barack Obama is the "Anti-Christ", and the one I received today written by what I am assuming is a caucasian, older, and very angry male who is one step above a mentally handicapped Flying Squirrel but still below the IQ of a first grader complaining about girls having "cooties", I believe his name is Rich Carroll who I am guessing is an author of some sort. ( I googled his name and it came back with some book titles that I decided would waste valuable brain cells to read. ) His letter spoke of the "muslims threat to America from the inside" which I am assuming he is talking about Obama again. Like I was always told opinions are like assholes, everyone have one and most of them stink. However these opinions in theses emails ( notice that I did not say facts because there are none in these emails ) smell of two week old baby shit covered in hair that was doused in gasoline and set a blaze.
no 2. The Comedic:
These are not so bad, they sometimes have a funny less obtrusive outcome to them. The only problem with these are that they take for ever to scroll through and often have silly little moving pictures that tag along with the joke, or a wise crack or wisdom from some old lady cartoon called Maxine, a cranky old bitch who's teats sag just around her belly button. So why would anyone want words of advice from someone who has never been to a J.C. Penny's to buy a breast supporting apparatus? Beats the hell out of me.
no 3. The Religious:
Okay here are the ones that tick me off right below political emails. These are the emails that are forwarded to you with an inspiring message of love, hope, understanding, black hating, faggot bashing, and how white is right cause Jesus was white. Well I love God and Jesus and I would doing anything for them except sending this email to 15 friends, because 75% of the time I do not agree with the emails themselves or the other 25% of the time is because I HATE FORWARDED EMAIL. I also did not appreciate the religious emails that state that if i do not send this to others I will DIE!!! not a nice thing to tell someone while they are in baghdad right? Does not matter I received hundreds of them while I was there, and was scared to do my job in fear of these emails. Also the fact that if you do not send them to at least 10 of your friends you do not love Jesus and he will not reward you in the Kingdom of Heaven. I remember in Matthew 14:7 "Thou shalt forward all mail starting with the letter E which says great blessings of our lord, or ye shall not inherit the kingdom of Heaven" oh you do not remember that either well that is because it is not in the BIBLE... so maybe you should read it again and then tell people as apposed to sending them email.
no 4. Post September Eleventh:
These are the patriotic emails sent by loads of people who want to do their part for the war, except signing up to join the service or sending care packages to soldiers overseas. So lets send out emails... great idea people love sad guilt tripping shit flooding the inboxes of their yahoo accounts. Come on I was in the Army and I still find this email so depressing I want to cut my wrist with a shard of glass from the World Trade Center so that others know that I could bleed Red, White, and Blue (mainly red) for America. Do not get me wrong I cried like a baby when I knew Americans died in the 9/11 attacks but I am sure that those who died do not want to be remembered in chain mail.
To sum this whole thing up. IF YOU DID NOT WRITE THE EMAIL YOURSELF, DID NOT DO RESEARCH ON ALL THE "FACTS", AND I HAVE TO FORWARD IT, THEN DO NOT SEND ME EMAIL...